so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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