you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
