last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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