if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
