Just fell off a train. Bad.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Randomize
