Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
