I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
