You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
