I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
