Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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