Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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