I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he wants to bone in the snuggie
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
