Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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