It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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