It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
