Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
