i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I think I sprained my soul last night
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
