U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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