I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
