I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
