She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
