Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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