you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
