Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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