Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
