I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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