i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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