I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
