I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
