i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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