the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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