My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
