So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
