I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
sarcasm needs its own font
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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