Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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