So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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