I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
