I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
