Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
