I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
