Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
