I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
