It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
