i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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