I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
