I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
