Non-Jews are for practice
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
