My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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