Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
