Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
