I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
