In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
