it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
